I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
