We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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