I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just invented taco cereal.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
