By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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