Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
