Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
