You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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