I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
