There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
