I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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