I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
