Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
