Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no you cant smoke seaweed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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