using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
