dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
