So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
