some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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