I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
