I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
