We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
