All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
