Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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