oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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