I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
