I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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