Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
