The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
