she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
