I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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