So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
