Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
