you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
