How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
