You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
