Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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