You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
