So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
