What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
