The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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