There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
