no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
