the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
