I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
