Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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