this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
