I wish I could teleport
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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