Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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