I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
