I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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