i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
