The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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