Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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