if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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