I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
