You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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