u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
